Fall Out Of My ♥

kimochidrink @ 2009-11-26T03:18:00

2009-11-25T19:18:55Z

Once you really fall in love with something/someone, it's hard to fall out of it.

Illogical it may be, unworthy it may be. Even if you are ill-treated, even if you could be better off elsewhere.

Even if it makes you more sad than happy, even if it makes you weak.

But when you lose the feeling, it probably means that you have done whatever you can, and you're tired.

You're jaded.

Sometimes, it only takes a small instance to remind you of the initial sparks. And you're back again (for the better or worse).

But sometimes, it's just gone.

And life will never be the same again.

P.S. But I'll never lose my feelings for you, promise (:

kimochidrink @ 2009-11-19T15:45:00

2009-11-19T07:45:08Z

Common' someone, show me my direction.

I know I'm more than this.

kimochidrink @ 2009-11-16T04:45:00

2009-11-15T20:45:31Z

Will I always hear yours?

kimochidrink @ 2009-10-14T13:24:00

2009-10-14T05:37:47Z

I want to stay longer.
I made you a place, a place within my heart
With you I'm so much stronger
That's why I'm glad we'll never have to part

Have I told you before, that it wasn't my lips but my soul that you kissed?

kimochidrink @ 2009-10-07T15:59:00

2009-10-07T08:27:24Z

When it rained last night, I kept the windows open and breathed in the cool air. It was oddly nostalgic, as I got reminded of how, about more than ten years ago, I cuddled with my parents on nights when it rained. We didn't switch on the air con, but instead enjoyed the breeze, and fell asleep listening to the therapeutic sound of the rain. In the coldness of the night, in our cozy three room flat, I felt sheltered from everything else in the world.

My parents always protected me. They were always patient; I never fell short of their expectations simply 'cos they didn't have much of me. Or maybe they didn't want me to feel pressurized. I can make the same mistakes over and over; I lost my wallets and handphones umpteen times, I cried over guys/ things that weren't worth it at all, I went against their wishes. But they did nothing more than to comfort and cheer me up, 'cos they know that I'm upset enough with myself. They rarely scolded me over the slightest things even when they're having a bad day, they always let me do whatever I want, even if it means just eating the Kaya out of the bread and throwing away heaps of bread. I didn't have to do anything to earn their love, or their approval. I guess for them, its instinctive to love me no matter what. And I'm thankful for that, I'm a very fortunate girl, I know.

Last night when it rained, I cuddled with my boyfriend. We didn't switch on the air con, but instead enjoyed the breeze, and fell asleep listening to the therapeutic sound of the rain. In the coldness of the night, I felt loved, but I guess nobody in the world can ever love me like how my parents did. I yearned for the sense of security I once felt in the arms of my daddy, but I realized that I probably will never feel that again in my life.

I'm a big girl now. I have to grow up. Nobody else will ever give in to me like how my family does (including my very lovely younger sister), nobody else will ever be as patient and protective as how my daddy was... I'm made to face consequences of my actions, to be a responsible young adult. There's so many things I need to do, so much insecurities and uncertainties that I have to face. I feel like I'm made to grow up rapidly all of a sudden, is this supposed to be the way? Is this growing up?

I don't want to grow up.

(P.S. I still love my boyf the most, he's still the best boyf ever (: )

Just one of the many things you do.

2009-10-04T11:45:17Z

It feels good to have someone beside you to call you silly when you cry over the slightest things, like watching an mv.

Thanks for being my someone. (:

kimochidrink @ 2009-10-04T16:47:00

2009-10-04T08:53:07Z

Everybody wants to be happy
Nobody wants to be in pain
But you can't have a rainbow
Without any rain.

Will a rainbow still look as pretty if you get to see it all the time?

There's always a reason to feel not good enough.

2009-09-07T15:00:47Z

Hello! I've finally uploaded some photos so now I can blog about Mr. Yeo Teck Pig's birthday! :D

The day went well I guess (: But its the first and last (in this year) that I'll plan for a date!! I guess girls have been going on planned dates w guys and we've been taking everything for granted HAHA but suck it guys we're girls (: Anyway back to my point its damn exhausting/draining/tiring both mentally and physically!! I know I sound super noob but yes that's really how I feel! And I felt relieved after that hehehe.

But I guess it was all worth it just to make it special for him (:

Happy ~~twenty-fourth~~ FIRST birthday (spent w me) dear, many more to come (: (:

Shortly after, we had our performance at the President's Star Challenge!

Beloved TG w Benjapig (:

Denvers family portrait (:

I miss my backtuck :( When I first did that, I thought it'd be the start of everything! I did a complete turn on my first try!!! I didn't freak out. Honestly I don't remember myself freaking out trying out any new stunts. No it's not because I'm not afraid. I'm afraid of falling, injuring myself, hitting others, hitting the ground, etc too. But I want to hit the stunt, even if it means risking hitting the floor. I fear injuring myself, but the thing that I fear most, is not being able to execute the stunt well, falling short of others' and my own expectations. This is cheerleading, a sport that looks spectacular partly because of how dangerous the activity looks (and actually is, you never know what might happen). If you love it, love the risks. Perhaps its because of the lack of opportunities to do things that are out of the scope of what I always do, I treasure them when they come along, try my hardest to do it well; never giving up on the stunts prematurely, and I admit I feel disappointed with myself more than anyone else that I'm still stuck at this level. I keep telling myself I shall not compare the amount of chances I had w others, the fact that I've had remotely one chance to try it, its my fault for being able to use it to improve myself. I know its my mentality that kept me going and get to what I have today. Trust me it wasn't easy, anyone who have been with me since I joined cheer would have known. I started with zero experience. I didn't have dance background, nor the muscles needed, whatsoever. I was a slow learner until recently, and I'm still slow at gymnastics. I bet many didn't expect me to come as far as I did, but too bad here I am. And I'll go further. Watch me. Contradicting myself, maybe I'm not determined enough. Determined, yes. Determined enough, no. If I am I'd be <45kg and flying around like nobody's business. Truth is, yes weight is not everything in cheer. But lighter flyers get trained more (all else being constant). Heavier flyers get trained less, and improve slower, and that's a fact. Reality people, face it. And no I'm not whining, I'm just admitting what I've always thought deep inside, and I'll try to do something about it. I love cheer. I don't want to stop here. And I'm only going to think this. Politics, whether you are happy with another person or not, stay away. There are some people who will never be satisfied with whatever anybody else does, I don't want to be affected by any of those. I don't want to judge, but I know that subconsciously, I always do. And yes, I judge myself too.

On a totally different note, thanks dear for all the talks we've had. For making me feel like the most important thing in your life amongst your hectic schedules. For never judging me even when I'm critical w myself, for trusting me even when I doubt myself, for loving me even when I hate myself. I've never felt so loved and emotionally close w someone in my life. I love you dear, even more than words can say (:

kimochidrink @ 2009-09-03T15:31:00

2009-09-03T07:53:15Z

I hate my gastric. I really do :( This morning I woke up to really horrible gastric pains and puked gastric juice twice during class. The worst thing is that its not because I starved myself; I wish I could but no I'm too much of a glutton now. :( Being thin is like a mega history and I kinda really miss it. Maybe its time to shed some pounds.

School has been crazy in the sense that I seem to be super lost and its been quite a while since I felt so clueless and stupid.

And the thing that sucks the most is................ I'm not doing anything about the things that make me feel sucky and sian, which..... amplifies the suckiness and sian-ness. Repeat the vicious cycle.

Good thing is, amongst all that, I feel like a fortunate girl being watched over by some mystical forces. I have a wonderful boyfriend that the skinny ~~bitches~~ girls will never have ('cos he's exclusively MINE), I always manage to find someone in my tutorial class tht will save me from the wrath of being groupless (Sam in 102, Sy and gang in 215, Alex in 218, etc), I have wonderful people around that just brighten up my gloomy days just by joking and laughing w me (roomie, and everybody else), friends that tolerates w my whining and tries so hard to cheer me up (Meow and sistur <3) so many many instances that will really make me feel guilty for being emo. Haha.

So.... I shall cheer up. And work hard. Jia you!

kimochidrink @ 2009-09-01T13:52:00

2009-09-01T06:14:41Z

Just a while ago I was buying Old Chang Kee at our beloved school canteen- as I passed a 50$ note (the only note I have) to the cashier, she proclaimed that she does not have small change, refused to accept my note and proceeded to key in the order of the person next in queue. The guy behind me then asked to pay for my kebab as well, murmured "it's okay", smiled and walked away.

Right after, I walked back to hall in the damn heavy rain, saw Kah Tat who sheltered me to my block and offered to lend me his umbrella to go to class later.

I might be too easily contented, but I guess chivalry is not dead! (:

I've been super super super busy! I don't have time/energy to finish all tht I need to. And recently the over-sensitive pessimistic and moody Sharon has been revisiting me; a side of me that I don't like!!!

Okay gotta rush for lesson bye!

'Cos there's no need for a special occasion

2009-07-13T09:03:55Z

Just wanted to say I love you! (:

被懂我的人爱着我是幸福的连沉默都能是交流
你总是能给我比我想的还要多我爱你
不做你的公主要做你的快乐

I'm back (:

2009-07-05T21:06:31Z

Hello world! I'm back! (: Back from the hiatus from Taiwan, back from the hiatus from blogging and back from being the emo Sharon that nobody likes (:

Alright first up is the Taiwan trip!!! Although I wasn't exactly looking forward to it when it was time to go, I guess it did take me away from all the things that's happening in Singapore that was really suffocating. Like too many things were happening at the same time and I really didn't know what to think, what to feel and much less what to do. So it was running away, very literally but hey, whatever works right?

People who came to send us off! (:

And we stayed at the same hostel again! (: Just that we realised that the hairdresser below our hostel is only opened at night? HMMMMM.

Relived our childhood! Haha.

Met really cute dogs everywhere!!! Damn it why can't I keep dogs at home :( :( :(

Finally went to a Taiwan club! The girls there are ermmm, daring and crazy? Think stripping and pole dancing to win S$100!!

Shao wei, my tick tock base! :D

And special thanks to my PP for taking care of me in Taiwan! See, he does stupid poses with me,

Makes sure I don't get lost when we walk in a group and still have to pose for photos w me,

Makes me laugh with his stupid nonsense,

Sits beside me on the train/coach rides,

Brings me to have more drinks when I'm not high enough, knowing that he'll have a harder time taking care of me if I really got high,

... and many many more! (: Thanks PP!!!! Choose you as pet jiu mei you cuo le. Hahaha. :D

And and and. Look at the difference between last year and this year!!!

With our luggages!!!

At the top of Jiu Fen!!!

At Zhong Zhen Ji Nian Tang!!!

(: (: (: I love you Pam!!!! For everything everything. (:

Okay fast forward to today! Hahaha.

I have a new friend! He's called Jackpot Yeo. Hahaha. Jackpot 'cos I used ONE TOKEN, my first token, 50c to get him!!!! Omg everybody was like stunned lah and if you know me long enough, you should know that I'm usually damn unlucky!!!! It's really the first time I'm so lucky la (: (: (:

See I love him so much omg he's super cute can!!! I was telling Victor "the elephant SUPER cute!!!!" and I got him yay yay yay yay so I must must must treasure and love him many many :D :D I'm a happy girl hehehe.

And he's called Jackpot YEO 'cos of this louya pok:

'Cos I must have been super super unusually lucky to find someone who brings me to museum when he's falling asleep inside,

Camwhores w me in a museum and make all the boring exhibits so funny,

Does retarded shots w me,

Surprises me like nobody else has ever did,

Lets me behave like a kid when I feel like it,

Hugs me when I need it,

And lies on the road in the middle of nowhere with me!!!!!!!

Thanks Mr. Yeo (: You're like a jackpot that I never thought I'd ever strike, and I'll love and treasure you because I'm like the luckiest girl on earth to be with you (:

kimochidrink @ 2009-06-17T04:37:00

2009-06-16T20:40:11Z

你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我
还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗
心还会痛吗

The truth is, we hide because we want to be found. We walk away to see who will follow. We fall to see who will come pick us up. We cry to see who will wipe away our tears and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them.

kimochidrink @ 2009-06-16T03:58:00

2009-06-15T19:59:49Z

This is really harder than I thought. )':

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

2009-06-13T15:31:57Z

It was my first time to the night safari, my first time having a banana split, my first time lying in the middle of a random grassland looking up at my favourite pretty stars, the first time I didn't want to care about my hair, how dirty and smelly I'd get, how ugly I'd look, the first time we had breakfast tgtr (we're such pigs haha) but it'd also be the last time we'll hold hands wherever we go, the last time you can make me laugh, the last time we can stuff each other with food that we can't finish, and the last time we'll feel so close to each other and talk about what we can do together next time...

But there are some things that have stayed the same from our very first date. Like the smell of your car and clothes, how huge your fingernails are, how you can always make me laugh and how somethings just feel right with you. (:

It was probably not our simplest or happiest date ever, but it was probably our sweetest and most painful one. And our last one. Still, thanks for everything dear. (':

I haven't been sleeping well at all :( So I'm going to sleep now and tomorrow will be Sentosa!!!!! I know I've probably said this a million times but really thank god for blessing me with all the teammates who are also my best friends and second family (: I would have lost myself without them.

And you louya pok! I can't seem to be able to stay sad for long with you (:

And I must must must find myself back. Let's G O GO!

kimochidrink @ 2009-06-11T06:26:00

2009-06-10T22:28:22Z

把手放了
我也许会比较快乐
我也许会换个情人
我也许不会再撑

真的够了
能不能让雨别再下了
能不能让心别再疼了
能不能不要开灯

我们的爱跟着
你写的剧本
出现了越来越多的角色
我是你什么人
如果不是情人
是不是不要
再浪费我的人生
你比我更清楚

你对我多好
多温柔多认真
不构成爱我的资格
除非你只看着我
想着我只有我
爱本来就该独一无二

为你伤心多一点少一点
流下的眼泪都一样不值得
世界上那么多人
只有我一个人
能拯救自己的快乐
不要再为你哭了

SKM IS TOMORROW!!!!

2009-05-29T17:23:59Z

Note to self: You're not allowed to think of anything other than SKM k!!!!! What's wrong w you!!!!!

kimochidrink @ 2009-05-28T04:28:00

2009-05-27T20:43:33Z

Please let all the wounds of everybody heal, let the world be a happier place, let tears flow and go away and leave laughter in its place, let us all not hold on too tightly to things that might or might not be ours in the end, let us learn and grow from heartbreaks, let us acknowledge reality while preserving that bit of naiveness, let us be there for one another even though we have our own problems and let us see the rainbow after the downpour.

Please let everything be okay.

kimochidrink @ 2009-05-27T02:42:00

2009-05-26T18:48:15Z

爱并不等于拥有

We'll know its not for nothing at all.

2009-05-26T09:11:03Z

These few days made me think a lot. Looking at everything that's happening around me, talking to everybody, listening to songs made me think a whole lot. I feel that I've grown a little and yet in the strangest way feel that I'm such a stubborn small girl holding on to what I believe in. Fighting a losing battle, against all odds. Ripped of all my defences, given my heart away in such a short period of time. Being totally unlike my usual self, crying more than I did in a long time, losing a huge chunk of myself.. and yet not regretting any bit of this.

I guess what PP said is right, I don't want to have any regrets no matter what decision I make. And its okay to cry, its okay to be 任性, I just need to know when to stop. And although there's no right or wrong, I shouldn't do what I don't want others to do to me. I still want my pink and fluffy world of fairytales, starting on the wrong foot just doesn't fit in. And happily ever after doesn't just fall from the sky does it?

I'm leaving it up to fate. It made us meet, so I have full faith in it. (:

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder.

如果你不再出现我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间让我们试验什么叫永远

Oh and I realised I haven't said how much I love everybody around me, especially Denvers, for everything everything. <3 my sisturs, Harlis, PP and everyone who are always making sure that I'm okay, I will be okay (:

HEA

2009-05-23T15:58:21Z

Why is the cruel truth nothing like a wake up call?
Why does the most illogical feels like the right thing to do?
Why do you bring out both the best and worst in me?

Me: I really don't know what to do now.
PP: Just follow your heart.
Me: What if following my heart means doing something wrong?
PP: How do you define right and wrong?

Run, baby, run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever we'll be
You and me.

I'll be waiting
Wishing, wanting
Yours for the taking.

If love makes you silly, can I be downright stupid for once?

Bangkok and whatnot(:

2009-05-19T17:57:52Z

HIIIIIIIIIII world I know you missed me :D It's holidays and life has been treating me well :D We've been training for performances at the Supreme Court, for Singtel and of course SKM! All stunts up let's go :D

And I've tried prawning for the first time ever! It made me feel like a loser 'cos I've only gotten one pathetic catch in the three hours, even the little girls had more luck than me :( It was a fun experience though :D

Reached home at 3.30am (and forgot to bring my keys for the n-th time), finished packing and went to bed at 6am, reached potong pasir at 1.30pm and reached airport at 5pm with Jenny roomie :D Hectic right!

An attempt to do the Nobody dance at the airport. We were totally unglam (extremely unusual for such a demure girl like me) in BKK but who cares right nobody will recognise us :D "What happens at Bangkok stays at Bangkok" right hehehehe.

This is what happens when you want to pose for a photo with your best friend and she ignores you and stands up, shoving her ass into your phace :(

Studying the super long map of the Platinum Mall! Look at the list of all the shops.

Cute specs hehehe.

And extremely cute puppies as well! Awwwwwwwwwww.

Bryan the birthday boy! You don't know how much we went through to get the cake and dinner man. Tuktuk ran out of petrol, it was raining, no cabs will take us, we walked = summary hehe.

And they bullied me by eating up my favourite kind of curly fries, the super coiled up ones while I was on the phone (check out the background). :(

Check out my roomie's phace.

Drank and ultimately started playing Truth or Dare. "Love" that game man -.-

Super overcrowded Tuktuk teehee.

Our damn nice mani and pedicures! :D :D :D

Actually day flights are supersuper nice!!!!! Look at the clouds how lovely (:

And I'm back teehee. Other highlights of the trip includes us being DAMN SUAY (think a 3-hour flight delay, tuktuk out of petrol, getting lost every now and then, oversleeping for morning flight etc etc), giving thai massage a try (nothing much if you ask me, just that its much cheaper), the thai girl show (omg they just like have sex in front of you and shoot pingpong balls at you with their ahem), shopping (of course) and food (mango sticky rice and phad thai) :D Let's start planning for our Australia road trip next year! :D :D :D

Today before training I was feeling a lil' down but training always takes my mind off stuff and make me much happier (: (: Confided in my pet pig who gives not-too-bad advice teehee. And with the "mummy poko pants" mascot for our Singtel performances, how to emo during training :D

And really, what I'd do without Denvers. (:

~~YOUYOU! Can I really trust my heart and trust you?~~

kimochidrink @ 2009-05-14T17:01:00

2009-05-14T09:02:41Z

Self protection baby. Remember that.
No one will be liable for any heartbreaks.

kimochidrink @ 2009-05-12T02:22:00

2009-05-11T18:41:38Z

Wish I could take a picture of my view
Your side profile when you're driving
In the middle of the balloon fight
Lying next to you in the pale moonlight
Wish I could capture the view
Take a picture of you.

Like how we'd love to preserve our best
Like how I'd want time to stop
Right here, right now
Just being in your arms
Just in case, just in case.

Could it be that you're different

2009-05-09T17:54:20Z

Tell me all the things you never said,
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed,
Tell me all of your hopes,
All of your dreams,
I want you to take me there,
Tell me everything,
Every breath,
I want you to know I`ll be there,
There`s just one more thing,
One request,
I want you to take me with you.

Let me be naïve.